The First Ever RP
Totally mad and totally random, you could hardly believe this strange conversation is what got DSK's creators, Anthony and Lauren, started off with DSK. It all started off when Anthony said to Lauren he had to go at nine... (See underneath for explanations of in-jokes and characters.)

Kuja: At nine tonight the play will come to a closing act...
Anthony: Damn. I'm gonna miss the ending to Death of a Salesman…
Kuja: Yes, and what a good play it is.
Lauren: *Glomps Kuja's leg.*
Anthony: Ok…
Kuja: Waah! Down, you little minx! *Tries to shake her off.*
Lauren: I love my Kuji-wuji!
Anthony: Rrrrrrrrright…
Kuja: Please do not call me Kuji-wuji. *Shudders.*
Anthony: Mad as a balloon.
Lauren: Who? Who?
Anthony: Kuja.
Lauren: Why thank you. *Bows*
Anthony: MAD. Phut-a-tut-a-tut!
Kuja: *Tries to pry Lauren off with a crowbar.* Gerroff! I've got worlds to destroy and Seph's meeting me at the pub in an hour!
Saibot: Damn! A lad's night out and I'm too busy being dead!
Kuja: Hey, we're not prejudiced, dead or no you can come too.
Lauren: Kuuuujaaaa, what happened to your airy-fairy poetic speech?
Kuja: Oh that? It's just for show.
Saibot: Rrrrrrrrright.
Anthony: Hey that's my line!
Kuja: Bwhahah! What a turnout this will be: the best villains of all time getting together for a drink! Sephiroth! Eggman! Saibot!
Tinny: Hello!
Kuja: Tinny! …Wait. No, that's not right...
Tinny: *Starts to sob.*
Kuja: Oh ALL RIGHT! You can come too, but you have to promise to be evil!
Tinny: Okay! 0:) (Angel face.)
Kuja: Ahem… *Hands Tinny a >:)* (Devil face.)
Tinny: Ta! >:)
Kuja: Where was I...? Ah yes. Tinny! Me, of course!
Tinny: Yes?
Kuja: Anne Robinson! Shh, Tinny. I'm reading the guest list, so shut yer pie hole.
Tinny: Ha! Pie!
Kuja: Seymour!
Anthony: And of course...the Armenian Goddess of Plenty!
Kuja: Huh? Who the...
Anthony: The Armenian Goddess of Plenty? Sorry, my mistake, just sort of slipped out...
Lauren: *Laughs.*
Anthony: The Jamaican Goddess of Plenty!
Kuja: That's more like it.
Lauren: Can I come?
Kuja: You? You ain't a villain!
Lauren: *Changes into the Dark Queen o' Dalimoor.* Oh really?
Anthony: Boo. I feel a certain...feeling of...loneliness.
Lauren: Psst... go...get....Thorn!
Thorn: What are we waiting for?

*At the pub,*
Sephiroth: I SAY WE GET THE PLUMS!
Tinny: Here here!
Lauren: Hey gang, I think we're being spied on… There's a git with a big nose and black hair looking in through the window...
Tinny: That sounds un-surprisingly familiar.
Lauren: Anyone know him? Can I kill him?
Thorn: Yes. Well, what else should I say?
**The rest was not ever saved.**

In-jokes
The 'git with a big nose and black hair' was Professor Snape from Harry Potter, a character who brings us many-a-laugh when we make fun of him. We had some kind of strange story involving a love triangle between Snape, Sephiroth (of Final Fantasy VII) and Tinny. Please... just don't ask. Eggman is of course the big bad from Sonic The Hedgehog and Anne Robinson is probably the nastiest woman alive (or at least she likes to think so.) Saibot was an enemy from Tobias. I think. And the Armenian/Jamaican Goddess of Plenty? Not a clue. Plums are another in-joke. We think they have the power to destroy the world. Oh, don't laugh. That's just what they want.

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Every time we do an RP, we write a small recap of what happened the last time to refresh our memories. It's become a running joke to introduce the recap with a funny sentence with the word 'recap' in it. Here are just a few examples...

Rolly rolly rolly! *Rolls a recap down the hill.*

WARNING: product may contain traces of RECAP.

In the beginning there was the RECAP...

"There was a farmer who had a dog and RECAP was his name-o.."

Hmmm, there's a feeling in the air tonight... it kind of reminds me of times passed... like a RECAP...

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooa RECAP! *Jams on electric guitar.*

And then God said, "Let there be RECAP."

Long ago, long before both of us were born, there was a time without RECAP

It's fast... It's furious... it's illegal in 41 of the American states... It's RECAP!

*Stuffs a RECAP into your mouth.*

*Opens a can of RECAP.*

"I am the Music Man, I come from far away and I can play... (what can you play?) I play the RECAP"

They told me it wasn't right... They told me it was blasphemy. But I knew I had to do it... I was born to RECAP.

Sspecial offer: buy one RP, get a RECAP free.

If it looks like RECAP, feels like RECAP, tastes like RECAP, then it must be... cheese!

A long time ago, a baby boy was born, and the name his parents bestowed upon him was RECAP.

"RP?"
"Yes please."
"Do you take it with RECAP?"

Now in a refreshing RECAP fragrance!

"The keys that I grant thee, the sacred RECAP..."

R-R-R-R-RECAP! R-R-R-R-RECAP!

'RECAP? Yeah right, I thought.'

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongbob RECAP!"

I can't think of a funny RECAP line, so here's a little pic of Kirby in ASCII. <(^_^<)

You want the RECAP? You can't handle the RECAP!

'How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to RECAP!'

"I got the heart of a lion and the wings of a bat, because it's RECAP!"

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The Thorizas-Greyfare Academy of Genocide and Apocalypses

*This took place around Chapter 31's era. It began when Lauren mentioned she has her cat with her.*
Lierlo: Can I have a cat?
Lauren: No, you'd only burn it.
Anthony: *Laughs.*
Thorn: Can I have a cat?
Anthony: Of course you can. *Passes him a cat.*
Lauren: What'cha gonna call it?
Thorn: Kuja. What else?
Kuja: Someone call?
Thorn: No, sweetie.
Kuja: Ok, darling. I thought I heard my name, is all. Cat... Who's is it?
Thorn: Mine.
Kuja: Good. I was starting to think it was Kitzie's second cousin or something.
Anthony: *Laughs.*
Kuja: I never did well with pets. As Lierlo would say, I got bored. And...
*The cat hides.*
Anthony: Heh heh…
Lauren: I suppose Kuja's feelings for small animals were the same as his for small children.
Anthony: *Shudders.*
Kuja: *Looks reminiscent* Man, I was so evil. Pfft, Lierlo's nothing compared to what I was.
Lierlo: Hey, I'm new at this...
Thorn: *Suddenly has a walking stick.* Hah! In my evil days, you young whippersnappers hadn't even started evil training yet! Kukukukukukukukuku!
Kuja: Calm down, honey bunny.
Thorn: *Becomes normal age again.* Righto, choco bear
Kuja: *Is suddenly dressed like a salesman.* If you're young, hopeful and inherently evil but with no experience in the world of super-villainy, we can help you. At the Thorizas-Greyfare Academy of Genocide and Apocalypses we can teach you all there is to know about mass murder, pyromania and good old dry wit.
Lierlo: But I've had a history of being a goody-two-shoes.
Kuja: That's not a problem. We accept students from all walks of life.
*They're suddenly on a QVC-esque shopping channel.*
Thorn: *Looks at the camera.* And you can enrol at the Thorizas-Greyfare Academy of Genocide and Apocalypses right now by calling 025829-EVILBASTARD-332.
Kuja: Enrol now, and you will receive free of charge, this lovely black cloak. *Gestures to Azinder, Ares and Lucifer who are all modelling them.* Perfect for flowing menacingly in the wind while you divulge your nefarious scheme to your chosen arch rival.
Thorn: And that's not all. If you enrol, you can enter our special prize draw, which gives you the chance to win either you own evil castle, evil animal or an evil holiday for two in Spain.
Kuja: Our basic package includes a variety of lessons, including Evil Laugh Practice. You'll soon find your chosen chortle. From Mwahaha to Kukukuku, Bahaha and Nyuk nyuk nyuk, you'll soon discover how an ominous laugh can really set off your evil plots.
Thorn: And speaking of evil plots, our range of plans and devices will have you cooking up evil exploits in no time. Browse our range of ideas including dropping nets, painting convincing tunnels o the side of mountains, and possessing Dark Angels with a thirst for power several times until your friends think you're an arse.
Lierlo: It sounds good to me. I want to enrol. No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't. Yes I do! No I don't! Yes... No... Yes...No... *His left hand starts punching the right side of his face, and his right hand starts punching the left side of his face.*
Thorn: Ahh, yes...split personalities have to take two tests to get in.
Kuja: Once you advance past module two of the course, you can apply for evil henchmen. Of course, we have a fine selection of sidekicks, including incompetent bumblers who conveniently fall asleep while guarding your prisoners and blatant namedroppers who kiss the ground you tread on.
Thorn: Or, if that's just not your cheese, you are welcome to try one of our courses that teach you how to strap dynamite to yourself, run into a building and detonate it. Or, you can become a member of one of our handy cleaning staff.
Kuja: Tifanel has been a member of the Evil Janitor's Union for just under two years now.
Thorn: Really? Wow.
Lierlo: You said... I have to take a test. Is it hard?
Thorn: Absolutely. Our tests examine you on your evil laugh, your ways of plotting, how you react to failed plot attempts, and your literacy.
Kuja: But don't worry. There is a multiple choice section. Uh, like this for example:
You see a man in the road. He has been mugged, beaten and stripped of most his clothes. Do you:
A) Help the man up?
B) Help the man up and take him to hospital?
C) Help the man up and take him to hospital and buy him some new clothes?
D) Search the man's remaining clothes for anything they might have left, and then kick the last dregs of life out of him because there is nothing?
Lierlo: I... don't know... taking him to hospital might put him in more pain because he has to move... you should call a paramedic to him...
Thorn: O…kay. I think you should study more into the ways of being despicably evil, Lierlo. *Checks his watch.*Or wait a few hours and we can ask you again.
Kuja: I've got a better idea. *Switches all the lights off and closes the blinds.*
Thorn: Lierlo? You evil?
Lierlo: 3...2...1... D)
Thorn: That's more like it.
Kuja: Errrt! Wrong! Any truly evil person would know the answer was E) Destroy the world.
Thorn: Oh… yes...of course!
Lierlo: That was my next guess...
Kuja: Oh pur-lease, you're about as evil as a herring in a raincoat. The old 'ominous voice' and the burning bit have been done to death.
Thorn: Hee hee...death...hee hee.
Lierlo: *Laughs, cold and haughtily.* Hahaha, you just do not know how you are dealing with. Little do you know I will become your worst fear. Pure evil surges through my veins. There is not a drop of compassion in my heart, no shred of remorse in my soul. I am the voice in your mind that drives you to insanity. I am the shadow in your nightmares that wakes you in a cold sweat. I am... Lierlo.
Kuja: See, get them a little riled up and they perform much better.
Thorn: Oooh, well done.
Lierlo: *Smiles.* I'm not a people-person.
Thorn: Then go away.
Lierlo: No. I'd rather kill you.
Kuja: He's good... shall we let him in?
Thorn: *Is hiding under a large tea cosy.* Ok.
Lierlo: *Turns to the tea cosy, his eyes burning a cold glow. He points at it and it sets on fire, then disintegrates into a pile of ashes on Thorn's head.*
Thorn: Oh well, at least the ashes are camouflaged.
Kuja: *Runs to Thorn and clings to him.* You leave my darling Thornikins alone!
Thorn: Mmmmmm. *Snuggles.*
Lierlo: *Looks saddened.* I... thought... I was... I thought the rumours about slash were Thorn and me...
Thorn: *Vomits.* Yeah, right.
Lierlo: *Cries.* But I wanted to be in a twisted gay plotline that was only put in to up the excitement. I'm the cute blonde that everyone loves! IT'S NOT FAIR! I thought there was something between us...
Thorn: Nope.
Lierlo: *Floats off, sobbing.*
Kuja: Hmph, he's got no chance when I'm around.

In-jokes
Obviously, several references to Lierlo's nighttime transformations into his evil self in chapter 31 onwards. Oh and of course the reference to bad slash fanfics. 'Mwahaha,' 'Kukukuku,' 'Bahaha' and 'Nyuk nyuk nyuk' are all laughs used by the evil types in video games/animes.

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The Fangirl's Plaything

*This started with Lauren expressing her love for Kuja in a crazed fangirl kind of way.*
Lauren: *Chases Kuja around the room.* Wai! Wai!
Kuja: *Hides under the bed.*
Anthony: Hey! Say you like Thorn too! Don't leave him out! he'll get upset!
Thorn: *Cries.*
Anthony: Now look what you did, you made Thorn cry!
Lauren: Gomen! *Chases Thorn around the room.* Wai! Wai! *Glomp glomps Thorn.* Thornnnny!
Thorn: Yes?
Lauren: I'm never gonna let you go!
Thorn: *Detaches leg and there is a Thorn-covered tentacle where it should be.*
Lauren: *Jumps back.* I didn't know about that!
Thorn: *Looks shifty and puts his leg back on.* I hope nobody noticed that...
Kuja: *From under the bed.* Bet that's a great ice breaker at parties.
Lauren: Heheh... I just realised something. I have ALMIGHTY AUTHOR POWERS! *Her voice echoes and lightning strikes around her.*
Anthony: ...
Lauren: I can make Kuja do whatever I want...
Kuja: *Looks out from under the bed, terrified.*
Anthony: Heh heh heh…
Lauren: Kuja, I command you to... uh, do the can can!
Kuja: *Comes from under the bed and does the can can.*
Lauren: Wee, this is fun!
Kuja: Can I stop dancing now?
Lauren: No.
Kuja: Now?
Lauren: No.
Kuja: Now?
Lauren: No.
Kuja: I think my legs are going to fall off..
Lauren: Yeah yeah, tell it to Fictional Character Support Line.
Kuja: Fine, I will. *Whips out a mobile phone, still dancing, and rings a number and speaks down the phone in a low voice.*
Lauren: *Seconds later some people in suits bust in and arrest me for mistreating a fictional character.*
Thorn: Holy moley!
Lauren: *As I am being dragged off, handcuffed.* You'll be nothing without me, Kuja! Nothing, you hear me? And the others too!
Anthony: Well, seeing as you're gone, I hereby take Kuja as one of my own characters.
Kuja: *Looks worried.*
Thorn: So, Kuja, how do you feel about me now?
Kuja: Like...we're friends and nothing else.
Thorn: Quite right. *They shake hands*
Lauren: *From outside* POWER OF SUGGESTION! I suggest you guys let me go!
Guys: Ok.
Lauren: *Comes back in and screams.* I'm only gone one second and you've turned Kuja straight!
Kuja: Yup. Straight as a stick of rock.
Lauren: Why? How could you do this to me? That's it, I'm reviving Azinder to annoy the hell out of you!
Azinder: *Appears suddenly* Hello?
Lauren: Azinder, kill them!
Azinder: Not right now, I was just about to have a bubble bath.
Thorn + Kuja: *Laugh.*
Lauren: Oh, go back to Hell.
Azinder: *Does.*
Lauren: Ok then... Lierlo! Come forth!
*Lierlo appears sat a table playing checkers with Siun.*
Lauren: Lierlo, can you kill these guys for me?
Lierlo: *Looks at watch.* Nope, sorry. I'm not evil for another 8 hours or so.
Lauren: *Looks pleadingly at Siun.* How about you?
Siun: You're kidding. I don't owe you any favours, 'specially since you killed me off.
Lauren: Get lost! *The two of them disappear again.*
Lauren: Oh... what to do... I know! *Laurenza appears next to her.* Here, Kuja Kuja. Look what I've got! *Waves Laurenza in front of him, as if she is beckoning a dog with a bone.* Yes, look what it is…
Kuja: Repulsion! Thorn has bigger breasts than you!
Thorn: EEEK! *Wraps his coat tighter around him.*
Azinder: Is everyone going to make fun of my boobs?! I'm gonna kill that Adrienne... *Storms off.*
Lauren: Kuja! Come back to me...
Kuja: *Shrugs.* Meh. *Goes back to you,*
Lauren: Yay! Yay! *Huggles Kuja.* It was very naughty of you to betray me like that. As your punishment, I am temporarily renaming you with a humorous mistyping.
Kuka: Oh, good...
Anthony: *Laughs.*
Kuka: *Looks at his name tag.* Kuka? What the hell does that mean? Am I some kind of cheapo imitation soft drink, Kuka Koola or something?
Lauren: Oh, calm down. It's not that bad. At least its not 'Thprn' or something stupid like that I've typed before.
Anthony: Or Thron.
Lauren: Or Thonr.
Anthony: Or acgkehrb ehgebhvquyhgtun43yv783vq3rbgyuqo3 4ygy8u9qtvnn3ugt 3y4tgqviongetuiovmrswatsonjwutqivertbvwbrbiytnetybjtubyuevertcu.
Lauren: *Laughs.*
Kuka: *Sneezes, and the letters in his name rearrange.*
Aukk: 'Scuse me.
Thorn: Aukk? Now you sound like a crappy RPG bad guy.
Aukk: *Hits his head on a wall.*
Ukak: Any better?
Thorn: No.
Lauren: *Hands Ukak some letters.* Here, use these. See what you can come up with.
Kuka Koola: Very funny.
Anthony: *Laughs.*
Kuka Koola: Can't I have my J back?
Lauren: Oh, all right.
Kujak: Now, that's better. No... Something still feels wrong. <_< GAH! Get rid of that K!
Lauren: *Sprays Kujak with 'K Away.'*
Uja: This is so not funny anymore...
Anthony: Hee hee.
Lauren: Aww, I thought it was fun... fine, here you go.
Kuja: I'm me again! I'm having second thoughts about coming back to you now. At least Anthony didn't screw with my name.
Anthony: *Smiles.*
Lauren: Pfft. If you like him so much, why don't you marry him?
Kuja: *Is suddenly dressed as a bride.*
Anthony: *Is suddenly dressed as a groom.* Oh dear...
Kuja: I don't. Now will somebody… *Glares at me.* …please change these clothes?
Lauren: Ok.
Kuja: *Is now wearing Thorn's pink tutu.*
Lauren: Say it.
Kuja: No.
Lauren: Say it.
Kuja: NO!
Lauren: I'll use my POWERS OF SUGGESTION...
Kuja: *Groans.* I am the Fairy Princess...
Lauren: Say it all.
Kuja: No, that's all your getting from me.
Lauren: Fine.
Kuja: *Is now dressed exactly like Professor Snape.* I don't understand this one... Why do you keep picking on me? Why not one of the other morons?
*Somewhere in the castle, Tifanel is asleep on a sofa. Suddenly, a velvet Umbridge-type bow appears in his hair.*
Anthony: Mwahahahaha!
*Kitzie is curled up in his lap, and she now has a large curly moustache.*
Anthony: Heh heh.
Lauren: Ooh, that's fun. *Puts both the bow and the moustache on Kuja.*
Kuja: Leave me alone! I'll go on strike...
Lauren: Mwahahahaha you wouldn't!
Kuja: I would. I'd refuse to work for you until you started treating me better. I'd even... go work for someone else!
Anthony: *Smiles.*
Lauren: Who else would employ you?
Kuja: I know a certain Mr. Paton who has an opening in his Undead Adventures sitcom.
Anthony: *Frowns.*
Kuja: And there also is a job much closer to home.
Lauren: So you'd go back to him, would you?
Kuja: No, Lucifer pays really badly.
Anthony: Heh heh, him.
Kuja: So if you don't stop this right now, I'm leaving.
Lauren: Oh but it's so fun... Just one last outfit?
Kuja: Only if it's what I normally wear.
Lauren: Sure it is. *Makes him wear a chicken suit.*
Kuja: That's the last straw! <Cluck> I'm handing in my resignation!
Thorn: *Throws down his copy of PlayAngel.* You serious?
Kuja: Dead serious. <Cluck> I'm sick and tired of being used like some mad fangirl's plaything.
Anthony: But you are some mad fangirl's plaything.
Kuja: Yeah, yeah, it doesn't mean I like the job, though. *Looks in the paper for job advertisements.*
Thorn: Yeah, I could just see you working at Burger King
Kuja: Quiet you. <Bok bok.>
Thorn: Ha.
Kuja: * Sees an ad.* 'Wanted: Attractive, effeminate man around 20 years old to be mad fangirl's plaything. Must be called Kuja.'
Thorn: Well, that's convenient
Kuja: Are you kidding? I'm not taking it. Ooh, what's this? 'Wanted: Attractive, effeminate man around 20 years old to work at Burger King.' This sounds good. Reads on.* Nope...
Thorn: Why not?
Kuja: 'Must be called George.'
Thorn: Just ask Lauren; she'll change your name for you.
Lauren: I'm not doing anything for him. I don't control him any more.
Thorn: Just tell her you hate the name George.
Kuja: Yeah, sure, that'll work. I really hate the name George.
Frank: You see, nothing happened.
Thorn: B...b...but your name is Frank, Frank!
Frank: <_< Geeya! So it is. But how? Lauren...?
Lauren: I didn't do it! *Dun dun DUN!*
EOVITATOHAD: Heh heh heh.
Lierlo: *Coughs.* Hack. He's stealing my bit, yo!
Thorn: 'Yo?'
Lierlo: I've always wanted to say that. I'm tired of being the properly spoken, airy-fairy Spirit type.
Thorn: Hmm, well, yo to you too.
Lierlo: I'm down wi' that, brudda.
Thorn: Speak English, blondie!
Lierlo: Yo just don't speak da street, dog!
Thorn: AAARGH! IT'S GETTING WORSE!!!
Lauren: Lierlo's gone street? Whatever will happen next?
Anthony: I shudder to think. *Shudders.*
Lierlo: Word.
Thorn: …
Lierlo: *Goes up to me.* Wassup, ma ho?
Lauren: Beg your pardon?
Lierlo: I'm a supa phat rapper, yo?
"Yo, check this! Latest cut from da Lierloman!

Yo, yo, yo.
I'm the L-I-E to the R-L-O.
Representing for the Spirits, gonna let ya know.
All ma brothers and ma sisters get down in da street,
And rock all ya bodies to ma dope beat.
Black blood in da house, wherever you are,
Gonna bring it to ya from the Cielnoir!

L-I-E
I'm a real O.G.
R-L-O
Here to start the show.
L-I-E
Like ma hos crazy.
R-L-O
This beat's damn cold.
D apostrophe
Shake that booty!
L-O-R
I'm gonna go far.

Holler to ma homies as I cruise through the hood,
All da jakes watch me fly, think I'm up to no good.
Drag a comb through my 'fro, honeys check me as go,
Rolling up ma sleeve and show ma Roly-O.
I gotta pocket fulla cheese and a wrist fulla ice.
Livin' the high life, and it feels nice.
With ma shorty at ma side, pumping at ma ride,
Shouting out to my posse from the west to east side!

L-I-E
I'm a real O.G.
R-L-O
Here to start the show.
L-I-E
Like ma hos crazy.
R-L-O
This beat's damn cold.
D apostrophe
Shake that booty!
L-O-R
I'm gonna go far.

I'm rocking tha crib, doing ma thing,
G'd up to ma eyes in tha bling bling!

L-I-E
Black and white.
R-L-O
But I'm doing all right.
L-I-E
Drop the beat to the A.M.
R-L-O
Bringing you da mayhem.
D apostrophe
I'm hot like fire.
L-O-R
Burning higher and higher."

*Some Cielnoir girls start singing the chorus and Lierlo claps along to the beat.*
Lauren: Did anyone understand anything Lierlo just said?
Thorn: Hell no.
Kuja: Not you too...
Thorn: Only joking.
Kuja: Good. I was starting to think 'Da Street Cred' was contagious.
Anthony: Heh heh.
Kuja: So, what happened to this EOVITATOHAD or did Lierlo's gold chains and diamonds in his teeth scare it off?
Lauren: I think it was just Anthony making scary noises into a empty tube of loo roll.
Anthony: *Looks shifty.*
Kuja: *Sighs.* Lierlo becomes a famous rap star and I can't even find a new job in the paper.
Lauren: Well, there is always...
Kuja: I'm not that desperate.
Lauren: *Makes a disappointed Bo noise.*
Thorn: *Goes to sit a the table and plays checkers with Siun.*
Siun: What is the world coming to? My son starts saying 'shizzle ma nizzle' and suddenly he's a famous rapper. Oy vey...
Thorn: Yeah, and I thought you were dead, anyhoo? Or was that a misprint?
Siun: Oh, Thorn. You do realise this is all fiction. We are simply actors. I didn't really die, it was all flashy special effects. A bit of glitter and crete paper, you know.
Thorn: *Lips starts to wobble.* It's all...fiction?
Siun: I'm sorry to break this to you. Yes.
Thorn: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Siun: Oh come, come. Didn't the scripts arriving in your trailer every week and the handsome paychecks ever make you wonder?
Thorn: Yes, but...oh well, can't be helped. *Continues with the checkers.*
Kuja: *Still looking through the paper.* Waitress... No. Air Hostess... No. Catering Manageress... NO! I'm sure they've done this on purpose.
Lauren: Hee hee hee...
Kuja: You! You sabotaged the paper, didn't you?
Lauren: Well, uh... *Points to the title of the paper, the Lauren's Weird Mind Times.*
Thorn: You should read this *throws Kuja Anthony's Slightly Loony Times.*
Kuja: Oh, this paper has the best comics.
Thorn: Why do you think I have it?
Kuja: *Looks through the jobs listed.* Yak Shaver... No. Mole Slinger... No. Dynamite Tester... No..
Kuja: Ah, what's this? backstage assistant wanted for famous rap star
Thorn: I wonder who that could be?

In-jokes
References to the 'Evil Voice In The Air Which Only Happens at Night,' from chapter... something. You know, the one where Lierlo goes evil at night. EOVITATOHAD stands for 'Evil Old Voice In The Air That Only Happens At Day.' Lierlo's rap is made up of all the rap clichés that I could think of. 'Makes a disappointed Bo noise' is a running joke between us. Don't ask. 'Mr. Paton' is a friend of ours. More references to Snape and Umbridge, another Harry Potter character.

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*Lauren is annoyed that her hunt for ROMs has been fruitless.*
Lauren: *Eyes turn fire red and the upside down trident symbol appears on forehead. Blasts through the ceiling.*
Thorn: *Drinks tea.* Oh please, like we haven't seen that before.
Bo: You really have to work hard to do an original exit these days...
Ares: You do? Ahh stuff it. *Walks out the door.*
Kuja: Please stop stealing my bits... I mean... *Yells wildly.*
Lauren: Comes back through hole in the ceiling.* Ok, how about this? I don't suppose we will be seeing each other again... *Dissipates into a red mist with small bubble like shapes in it.*
*They stare, unimpressed.*
Lauren: *Remanifests.* That one taken too?
Homunculus: You don't say…
Lauren: Darn... I need something original.
Anthony: How about this?
Posi-Thorn: It ends now, your plans have become what they began as. Do not try to steal power again, if you cannot control it. *He disappears, turning into a thousand doves that flutter into the night sky.*
Lauren: Ooh… What's that?
Anthony: Blondie/Black Eyed Peas battle.
Lauren: *Laughs.* Of course.
Anthony: Heh heh.
Lauren: Um…no. I'd rather not associate myself with Thorn.
Anthony: Oh, isn't that a surprise?
Lauren: Nyah nyah.
Kuja: Don't worry, Thorn, I'd very much like to... associate.... myself with you. *Winks.* Um... I mean... KILL! WAHHH! BOOO!
Lauren: Um, Kuja, this is OOC time. You don't have to put on the nut job act.
Kuja: Thank god. Thorn! *Glomps in a fangirlish kind of way.*
Thorn: Heh heh...Hi Kuja.
Kuja: I wuv you. *Smile smile.*
Thorn: Well, I wuv you too.
Homunculus: *Backs slowly away from them.*
Lauren: Pfft, Hom, we all know you wanna do that to Eike…
Homunculus: Do not...
Anthony: Heh heh…
Lauren: Suuure... *Makes Eike appear in front of them.*
Eike: Oh, am I dead again? No... This isn't Homunculus' pad. It smells much better...
Homunculus: Hello Eike.
Eike: HEEBAJEEZUS! *Runs away and jumps out the window.*
Homunculus: Well, that was... unexpected...
Thorn: Not really.
Homunculus: He gets killed enough already without inducing the death upon himself.
Eike: *From outside.* I'm not dead...
Homunculus: *Goes to the window and sets fire to Eike.* Like I said... dies enough already
Thorn: You murderer!
Kuja: Hypocrite...
Anthony: Heh heh.
Homunculus: Oh come on, it's not like anyone cares he's dead.
Lauren: You do, Hom...
Thorn: Hmm, you're right. *Sips tea.*
Kuja: Where's my tea?
Thorn: *Gives Kuja his tea.* Here, have mine.
Kuja: *Drinks it all.*
Homunculus: Pitiful creatures who need to take in food to survive...
Kuja: Oh, go away *Bites Hom's legs off.*
Thorn: Eh heh heh heh…
Kuja: Mmm... Philosopher's Stone goop.
Anthony: Yucky.
Kuja: No, it really hits the spot, honest. *Spreads some on toast.*
Thorn: Hmm...
Kuja: *Cuddles Thorn.*
Thorn: *Cuddles back.*
Kuja: *Kisses him.*
Thorn: *Pushes Kuja away and stands up.* Hm, I'm getting really good at this. *He pulls off a mask and it's Lenny.*
Kuja: *Gasp!*
Lenny: Heh! I fooled you into kissing me! Heh heh, wait till I tell the guys!
Kuja: If you live to tell the tale... *Eyes flash fiery-red.*
Lenny: Err...Thorn'sintheclosetgoodbye! *Turns into a car and drives away really fast.*
*There is a muffled cry behind the closet door.*
Kuja: *His eyes go back to normal.* Thorn! *Goes to the closet and opens the door. He finds Thorn gagged and tied up.*
Kuja: Thorn... did Lenny do this to you? I knew he was evil! *Unties him and takes off the gag.*
Thorn: He told me candy was in here. What was I supposed to do?
Kuja: You really are stupid, aren't you... I mean, damn him, that overgrown sock puppet!
Thorn: Err...yeah, so, we should go after him! I overheard his plans, he's planning to blow up the local pie factory with Ares' ghost!
Kuja: No! Think about all the pies! To the Kujamobile!

*The screen spins round with an image of the AOD symbol, introducing the new scene. They are driving in a purple Reliant Robin and they are both wearing masks and spandex.*
Thornman: *Looks down at Kuja's legs, then looks away.* Bad Thorn...bad Thorn...
Boy Kuja: Thornman and Boy Kuja away!
*They arrive at the pie factory and bust in.*
Boy Kuja: Not so fast, Dr. Lenny!
*Lenny is sat in a motorized wheelchair, with a hook for a hand, an eye patch and is stroking a white cat.*
Dr. Lenny: Ahh, we meet again, Boy Kuja.
Thornman: You won't succeed in your dastardly plan, Dr. Lenny!
Dr. Lenny: Oh no? I think Areswoman will have something to say about that!
Areswoman: *Appears at the top of some stairs opposite them, dressed in a superhero costume.* Thornman, Boy Kuja, it is indeed an... *She slips and falls down the stairs.*
Boy Kuja: Well, Areswoman, you were always a slippery customer.
Areswoman: *Gets up.* I knew I should have taken the lift...oh well.
Thornman: So, what have you got up your sleeves this time, Areswoman?
Areswoman: What do you mean, this time? We've never fought before.
Lenny: Thick as two short planks...
Boy Kuja: Don't I know it... Whatever dastardly deed you have in mind will never prevail for we shall stop you with our powers of truth and justice!
Thornman: Yeah, and our predictive plot devices...*Pulls a bottle from his utility belt and throws it at Areswoman.*
*SMASH*
Areswoman: No! Not a plot device! *Melts.*
Boy Kuja: Now for you, my arch rival and lifelong nemesis, Lenny...
Dr. Lenny: You can't use your plot devices on me. *He pushes a button on his wheelchair and a trapdoor opens up beneath Thornman.*
Thornman: *Looks down.* Oh...pineapples. *FALL*
Boy Kuja: No, my side kick and unspoken lover until we admit our feelings in the crazy caper of episode #38! You shall pay for your misdeeds, Dr. Lenny!
Dr. Lenny: Then see if you can make it through here, Kuja! *He presses another button on his wheelchair and it becomes a helicopter, flying him up to a large platform a well away.* Come and get me!
Boy Kuja: You seem to forget, my evil friend, that from an unfortunate accident 3 years ago involving a rubber chicken and a nuclear reactor core, I have gained the power of flight! *He flies up to Lenny, arms out straight ahead of him and cape flowing behind.*
Dr. Lenny: Well, before you send me to jail (as if anyone really dies in these things), I want you to see something.
Boy Kuja: What do you want to show me?
*Lenny presses another button on the wheelchair, revealing Thorn, tied to a wall, with a drill moving sloooowly towards him.*
Thornman: Boy Kuja!
Boy Kuja: Thornman! You are a twisted man, Lenny...
Dr. Lenny: *Laughs manically.* Choose, Boy Kuja. Thornman, or yourself.
Boy Kuja: I am the hero after all, so I am famed for my selflessness and supreme courage. Do with me what you will, Lenny, but let Thornman go!
Dr. Lenny: A very gallant decision. *Presses (would you beleive it) another button, letting Thornman go and causing a large mechanical hand to pick Thornman up and throw him out the window.*
Boy Kuja: But I don't intend on going down without a fight, Lenny!
Dr. Lenny: Who said anything about fighting? *The platform they're on moves into another room, decorated with red hearts, a large sofa, roses and has cheesy 70's porno music playing in the background.*
Dr. Lenny: Let's get it ooon....
Boy Kuja: ...Out of all the sick plots against Thornman and I that you have devised in the past, this is by far the most twisted.
Dr. Lenny: Why thank you, you're so kind.
Boy Kuja: If I agree to do this, will you reform, and discard your villainous ways?
Dr. Lenny: *Puts little finger to mouth.* Mebeh...
Boy Kuja: Ok then. *Drops his spandex tights.* Do it quickly.
*SCENE MISSING*
*Lenny and Boy Kuja are laying in the middle of the room, furniture is broken, empty dog food tins litter the floor and the walls are covered in treacle.*
Boy Kuja: *Rubs his sore behind and curses Lenny under his breath.*
Dr. Lenny: I will see you again won't I?
Boy Kuja: Not if you were the last evil lion scientist on the planet.
Dr. Lenny: *Sighs.* I guess I gotta go back to where I came from, then. But before I go, Boy Kuja...there's something I must say.
Boy Kuja: What?
Dr. Lenny: Keep watching the skies...*Disappears in a cloud of butterflies.*
Boy Kuja: Ok, well that was new... *Goes to find his trusted sidekick*
Thornman: *Walks out of a door labelled: 'spaghetti storage'.* Hey, there you are.
Boy Kuja: Another evil plan thwarted! All in a day's work for Boy Kuja.
Thornman: Yeah, so...we don't have to get rid of the spandex right away, do we?
Boy Kuja: No, we don't.
Thornman: *Laughs.*

In-jokes
Homunculus, the Philosopher's Stone and Eike are from Shadow of Memories/Destiny. Yeah, so Eike tends to get killed a lot in that game and I like to imply a relationship between him and Hom. Go play that game. Now. Ahem... anyway. 'Blondie/Black Eyed Peas' is my nickname for Posi/Nega-Thorn. Posi has blonde hair, so he's Blondie and Nega has black eyes... so he's the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah. Ok, the rest of this is old James Bond/Batman/superhero clichés. 'See if you can make it through here, Kuja' is paraphrasing Eggman from Sonic Adventure.