*The next morning, Thorn is woken by Kuja poking him gently. There is a fair amount of noise coming from outside in the corridor.*
Kuja: Thorn, wake up.
Thorn: I'm awake, mum! Oh, Kuja... Is something up?
Kuja: *Raises an eyebrow.* Yes... well, I think you should come and see this for yourself.
Thorn: Sure. *He puts some clothes on and follows Kuja out of the room.*
*Li and Tifanel are there. Tifanel is chalking a line down the middle of the stairs and Li is fixing a sign on to the wall.*
Thorn: Well, this doesn't look good.
Kuja: *Steps over the chalk line towards Li.* What on Dalimoor are you doing?
Li: Yes! Another person in my town. I would've hoped it wasn't Kuja, but beggars can't be choosers...
Kuja: 'Town?'
Li: *Steps aways from the sign.* Welcome to Litown.
*The sign reads, 'Litown. Population: (it is blank). The crazy, booze-filled party central.'*
Li: Lemme explain, me and Tif can't agree on how to manage this place, so we like, split it in half. Everythin' in the east wing is Litown, mine. Everythin' in the west wing is Tifsville, his. Kuja, now that you're part of Litown, you can't cross the border back to Tifsville without a visa.
Thorn: But, that's infantile! Whatever happened to settling your differences like men, instead of children?
Li: Shut up, you foreign scum. *He sticks his tongue out at Thorn.*
Thorn: *Sighs.*
Li: Kuja, it's time for the town meeting. Come on. *He drags an unwilling Kuja down the Litown half of the stairs.*
Lahrne: *Comes up to Thorn.* Hey, you're in Tifsville too!
Thorn: Yeah, guess I am.
Lahrne: Then you need a badge. *Offers him a little badge shaped like an 'T'.*
Thorn: *Takes it.* Thanks...
Lahrne: Isn't this great?
Thorn: Err... Well, I think it's childish... But, as long as you're having fun, and as long as it doesn't get too serious, I guess I can deal with it.
Lahrne: I am having fun. I'm Tiffy's right hand man! Now, follow me, we should go to the meeting and see the other Tifsvillers. *He goes down the stairs.*
Thorn: *Follows him.*

*Downstairs, in one of the chambers on Tifanel's side of the chalk line, the inhabitants of Tifsville have gathered. They are Tifanel, Thorn, Lierlo and Lahrne. Tifanel is stood on a box in the middle of the room, apparently to make a speech of some sort.*
Tifanel: Welcome citizens of Tifsville. First of all, I'd like to thank you all for choosing my town to be your home.
Thorn: We chose? Did I oversleep that or something?
Lierlo: Um, we didn't. We just woke up and found ourselves here…
Tifanel: Okay, so you didn't choose... Well, I hope you will all be fine, upstandin' citizens of my fair city. So, uh, that means no graffiti, vandalism, or any crap like that. *Gestures to a long sheet of paper.* And I'm sure you will find that the 375 rules are there simply for your own good.
Lierlo: You must be joking...
Thorn: Okay, why don't you and Li just make up like good little boys? Then we can forget all this nonsense.
Tifanel: Why would you want to live in a castle under the rule of that crude, lying, cheating, backstabbing, immature, good for nothin'...? Come on Thorn, where's your Tifsville community spirit? Put your badge on.
Thorn: *Puts on his badge, but sighs.* I suppose soon all this will seem silly to them...
Tifanel: As I was saying, if you happen to break any of the rules, my second-in-command will make your punishment swift and just.
Lahrne: Yep.
Lierlo: Tifanel, please, this is ridiculous...
Tifanel: Okay, if you think this is so ridiculous, go on and join Li's town.
Lierlo: That's not what I meant...
Thorn: We just think the conflict between you and Li has got out of hand, that's all.
Tifanel: It's not out of hand. Now that me and Li are doing things separately, we won't be arguin' and stuff anymore.
Lierlo: *Sighs.* I give up.

*In another chamber, on Li's side, Kuja, Kitzie and Mihako of Litown are awaiting his speech. Li is sat on a chair, smoking.*
Kuja: ...Well?
Li: Well what?
Kuja: Wasn't this supposed to be a meeting or something?
Li: Oh yeah, well uh... this is Litown. Don't mess it up or anythin'. And uh, do as I say.
Kuja: That's it?
Li: And don't be an asshole, Kuja.
Kuja: You just don't know how much I want to kill you.
Li: Hah, like you could. Right, I want you all to try your hardest to make this place so much better than Tif's.
*Kitzie is curled up half asleep on a chair. Mihako is cleaning her ear out with a finger.*
Kuja: Such enthusiasm...
Li: Can it, queer. *Blows smoke in Kuja's face.*
Kuja: *Coughs.* Li, do you have to act like a human chimney inside?
Li: It's my town, I can do what I want. *He starts pacing.* Hmm... It's too quiet... they must be up to something...
Kuja: Or maybe we just can't hear them because THEY'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CASTLE!
Li: No, I think they're plotting somethin'... War is definitely in the air.
Kuja: The only thing that's in the air is your toxic smoke.

*Back in Tifsville, it seems Tifanel has started to read some of the city's rules.*
Tifanel: ...Rule number 28: No whistling show tunes after 6. Rule number 29: Facial hair cannot be dyed...
*There is a large crash from outside the room, followed by a series of small thuds on the door.*
Thorn: What the…?
Lierlo: What was that? *He goes and opens the door and is hit by several small objects in the stomach.* Oof. *He closes the door again.*
Thorn: Lierlo? Are you okay?
Lierlo: Yes, I'm fine. It appears we are under attack. Kitzie is viciously assaulting us with frozen peas...
Thorn: *Opens the door.* Kitzie?
*Outside the room, the people of Litown have moved and overturned a table by the door. They are hiding behind it, and Kitzie is firing peas at Tifsville with a pea shooter.*
Kitzie: Surrender! *Fires peas at Thorn.*
Thorn: *Gasps and the peas combust just before they reach him.* Heh... sorry, force of habit!
Li: *Sits up from behind the table.* We're not using real attacks, Thorn...
Thorn: I just said it was a force of habit, geez...
Li: Okay. *Throws various spoons at him.*
Thorn: Well, why are you doing this? Isn't the Jim Terano Show on or something?
Li: We're doing this to defeat you, before you have a chance to attack us! ...And the TV is on your side of the line.
Thorn: Oh, act your age! *He goes back inside.*
Lahrne: Daddy, what are you doing?! Counter-attack! *He grabs some paper, screws it up into balls and opens the door. He stands there throwing them at the Litowners.*
Thorn: This isn't solving anything.
Lierlo: It's insane...
Tifanel: No it isn't. Come on! Help Lahrne! We've gotta defend our city! *He takes some pencils and joins the fight.*
Mihako: *From outside.* I shall be like the honourable kamikaze warriors of old, and throw my body into the battle! *CRASH!*
Lierlo: *Shakes his head and sighs.*
Thorn: I hear ya. Li must have made them want to fight us, against their will.
Lierlo: I don't know... It's not hard to tell Mihako what to do, and Kitzie... well, sometimes she can be a little... crazy.
Thorn: Hmm.
Kuja: *Teleports into the room.* Ah, it's good to see the two of you haven't also lost your minds.
Thorn: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lierlo: When will this madness end?
*The battle has heated up and stationary, cutlery and foodstuffs are flying left, right and centre.*
Tifanel: We will defeat you!
Li: You will never stop us! Never! Never!
*There is a knock at the castle door.*
Li: Who the hell can that be? *He grumbles and goes to the door.* Whoever it is, I'm gonna tell them to get lost 'cos we're in the middle of something real important...
*Li opens the door to find Red and Scorn are standing there.*