*Later, the gang are gathered in one of the rooms. Lierlo has returned and is discussing the perks of death.*
Lierlo: I guess there are some advantages of being dead.
Tifanel: Like what?
Lierlo: I don't have to eat or sleep. I don't get ill or old.
Laurenza: Glad to see you're looking on the bright side, Lierlo.
Kuja: The bright side of death? That's a new one on me.
Roreille: *Appears in the room next to Lierlo.* Sorry to manifest without prior invitation, but I wanted to show you this, Lierlo. *Holds out a tiny silver chain.* I was in your old room at our house, and I found this. Where did you get it?
Lierlo: *Moves closer to her.* I... don't know.
Roreille: Did father give it to you? I do not remember him doing so.
Lierlo: I really can't remember...
Roreille: Okay, sorry to bother you. I was just curious.
Laurenza: Can I see it, Roreille?
Roreille: Yes. *Hands her it.*
Laurenza: *Looks at it.* It's very pretty.
Lierlo: You can have it if you want, Laurenza. It's no use to me now.
Laurenza: Thank you, Lierlo. *Puts it on her wrist.*
Roreille: I better get back. Goodbye all. *Teleports away.*
Kuja: We should start charging people teleportation entry fees.
Thorn: Yeah, people are vastly forgetting what doors are.
Ana: What if someone got the coordinates wrong and appeared in the bathroom while you're in the bath?
Thorn: Well, that would just be their good luck.
Adrienne: Depends on who was in the bath at the time. *Gives a sideglance to Kuja.* Lemme see! *Grabs Laurenza's wrist.*
Laurenza: Ouch!
Adrienne: That's a nice piece of silver you got there. Hey, this has got a Cielnoir crest on it. Lierlo, did your mother give you this?
Lierlo: I said before... I can't remember.
Adrienne: Well, judging by the crest I'd go with yes.
*There are loud knock on the castle door.*
Laurenza: Hooray, someone remembers what a door is!
Thorn: Hmph. Spoil my funny line...
Kuja: Tif, get the door.
Tifanel: Get it yourself, you lazy son of a...
Kitzie: I'll get it! *Runs to the front door.*
Tifanel: *Shrugs.* Kids.
Kitzie: *Opens door.* Hello! Li-Li? Li-Li's back?
Laurenza: Li?
Li: *Walks into the room, his clothes looking a little shabby, but his hair is still spiky bottle blonde.* S'up?
Laurenza: Li... You're alive. I thought you had... I mean, I didn't know what happened to you after the Demon thing.
Li: Nah, takes a little more than a few scratches to finish me off.
Tifanel: *Mutters.* Pfft, a few scratches...
Laurenza: Well I'm glad you're okay. Now get the hell out of my castle.
Li: It's my castle too, well, sorta. Listen... I know I haven't been the greatest brother in the world, but d'ya think you could let me stay here for a day or so? I need a place to lie low for a while.
Laurenza: ...Oh, okay. You are my brother, after all.
Li: Thanks a bunch. So, what's been happening around here lately? Anything cool?
Laurenza: Nothing much of interest.
Kuja: *Scoffs.*
Thorn: Where shall we start…?
Li: On second thoughts, maybe I'll pass on the recap. Laurenza, you seem to have filled out a bit. Stop eatin' all those cakes.
Laurenza: ...I'm pregnant.
Li: Whoa!
Thorn: With Ana here. *Gestures to Ana.*
Li: Rrright...
Ana: From the future.
Li: Gotcha. I'm gonna take my stuff upstairs. I'll find a spare room. *Grabs his bag and goes up the stairs.*
Adrienne: Black sheep of the family?
Laurenza: You could say that.
Thorn: Black...
Adrienne: Something up, honey?
Thorn: '...Hearts as black as yours are not so easily penetrated'... Hmm? Oh, it's nothing, just something Li said once...
Adrienne: You've had a run in with him before, then?
Thorn: Yeah.

*A day or so later, Laurenza and Adrienne are sat together, talking.*
Adrienne: Maybe you should get yours done, darling. A bit of oomph will do you some good. I haven't had mine done, but then again, I don't need it, do I?
Laurenza: ...Err... right.
Adrienne: Your wardrobe needs some work too.
Laurenza: Adrienne...
Adrienne: You should come shopping with me sometime. I know all the best boutiques in the Known Universe!
Laurenza: I don't know...
Adrienne: Oh come on, it'll be fun! We'll take Ana and Kitzie and turn it into a real girl's day out. And seriously, you really need some new clothes...
Laurenza: ...Fine.
Adrienne: I can't wait! Oh, it's been so long since I've been on a shopping trip.
Laurenza: *Shakes her head.* What have I got myself in to?

*In another room, Ana and Kitzie are playing Ludo. Lierlo is floating somewhere close by, looking thoughtful.*
Ana: Hey Lierlo, what's up? Death getting you down?
Lierlo: I was just thinking.
Ana: About...?
Lierlo: You are so nosy.
Ana: I know.
Lierlo: I was wondering... is my mother still alive? If she is... does she ever think about me...?
Ana: What do you care? You're dead!
Lierlo: *Fades out of the room.*
Kitzie: Any... you're a meanie.
Ana: And you've got a furry ass.
Kitzie: I know, isn't it great!
Adrienne: *Walks in.* Oh there you are, girls. C'mon, we're going on a special trip today.
Kitzie: The zoo?
Adrienne: No, not the zoo.
Ana: Where are we going?
Adrienne: Shopping, darling, shopping!
Kitzie: The zoo?
Adrienne: *Flicks Kitzie gently on the nose.* Let's go find the boys and tell them where we're off.

*Adrienne, Kitzie, Laurenza and Ana find the lads in heated debated.*
Li: No way, sword fighting is much cooler than Magick.
Kuja: Magick all the way.
Thorn: Too true.
Adrienne: Guys, we're going on a little shopping trip.
Kuja: That's nice.
Laurenza: We'll be back later.
Tifanel: Good for you.
Ana: You're not bothered, are you?
Li: Go on, you little girls go and have your fun.
Adrienne: I'll buy you all prezzies.
Kuja: Your generosity is astounding.
Thorn: Thanks, well, be safe then.
Adrienne: See ya later, honeybunch. *Blows a kiss.*
Thorn: *Smiles.*
*The girls leave and the lads instantly break into a chorus of 'oooooh.'*
Thorn: Jealous?
Kuja: Not a chance, if I wanted a hooker, I'd go to a brothel.
Thorn: Oh, come on, even prostitutes have taste.
*They all laugh at Kuja.*
Li: Yeah, she's pretty hot, Thorn. Good on ya. *Pats him on the back.*
Thorn: Hmm, thanks.
Li: Hmm, so if the little girlies are going shopping, why don't us lads go out and have a good time?
Kuja: I'm not in a hurry to find out what your idea of a good time is...
Thorn: And besides, we shouldn't leave the castle empty.
Li: Why not? You Magick-boys can put an anti-theft spell on everything, can't ya?
Thorn: Well, I guess.
Tifanel: Yeah c'mon, let's go to the pub. I could murder a couple of beers.
Thorn: Hmm, why not?
Lierlo: *Becomes visible.* That sounds fun, all apart from the beer part. You don't get around to drinking much when you're dead.
Tifanel: You could still come along if you want. There's more to do there than just drink.
Thorn: I hope so... Dark Angels, well... they aren't affected by alcohol.
Lierlo: Okay... I'll come.
Li: I'm in.
Kuja: We're right old stereotypes today. If you're a girl you go shopping, if you're a boy you go get pissed. Isn't there something else we can do?
Tifanel: You don't have to come with us real men, if you don't want to, Fairy Princess.
*They again laugh at Kuja.*
Li: Can't Kuja handle his drink?
Tifanel: Are you kiddin'? He can't even look at the stuff without getting tipsy!
Kuja: That's not true.
Li: You gonna prove it? Come with us, and we'll have a drinking contest. That's if you're man enough to try.
Kuja: You're on!
Lierlo: I'd join in... But...
Thorn: Yeah, count me out of the contest too.
Li: All we need is a highly amusing and/or embarrassing forfeit for Kuja if he loses. Ideas, anyone?
Thorn: How about... we make him dress up as... the Fairy Princess this Samhain.
Tifanel: Sow-what now?
Thorn: Halloween.
Tifanel: Righteo.
Li: Brilliant. Mwahaha!
Kuja: No way.
Li: Chickenin' out?
Tifanel: *Makes clucking noises.*
Kuja: Okay. I'll do it.
Li: So, let's head down to Dalin, then.
Tifanel: Nah, lets go to the Hydra's Head in Dalvaran. It's a bit of a walk, but it'll be worth it. They do all sorts of exotic and illegal drinks there...
Li: Sounds good to me.
Thorn: Let's go.

*The lads arrive at the Hydra's Head. Inside there are all sorts of races there, including some rather dangerous looking Demons. Tifanel walks up to the bar and greets the bartender, a yellow-eyed Demon with grey fur and large ears.*
Tifanel: Hey Wolf. Give us the usual, will ya?
Wolf: Good to see you, Tif old pal. Business goes down 50% every time you leave. *Gets him a beer.* Brought some friends, have you?
Tifanel: Yeah. Wolf, this is my friend, Thorn. *Gestures to Thorn.*
Thorn: Hey.
Wolf: Hey there.
Tifanel: And you remember Prince Li from Dalin.
Li: S'up Wolf? *Gives him the thumbs up.*
Tifanel: Lierlo, the friendly ghost.
Lierlo: Call me that again and I might not be so friendly. *Grins.*
Tifanel: And let me introduce you to her Royal Highness, the Fairy Princess.
Wolf: Greetings, your majesty. *Bows.*
Kuja: Hilarious. I'm Kuja, if anyone's interested in knowing my actual moniker.
Li, Tif & Wolf: Nope.
Wolf: What're ya drinking, lads?
Li: Beer.
Thorn: Vodka.
Wolf: Oh come on. You can do better than that. I have all the drinks from here to Delta 4. You name it, I can make it.
Li: Hmmmmmm… beer.
Thorn: Okay then, I'll go wild too. Vodka.
Wolf: *Sighs and gets them their drinks.* I'll try and find the ghostly remains of a drink for you, Lierlo.
Lierlo: ...Thanks.
Wolf: Okay, Fairy Princess. What's your poison?
Kuja: I'll have an apple mango twist with one of those little cocktail umbrellas, por favor.
Tifanel: Avoiding the alcohol, Princess?
Kuja: I'm waiting for the contest.
Wolf: *Gives the drink to Kuja.* And what can I get for the young lady in your pocket, Tif?
Kitzie: *Pops out.* Hello!
Tifanel: Kitzie? How did you...?
Kuja: How did you manage to carry her around in your pocket without noticing?
Tifanel: I carry some very heavy stuff around with me. I thought she was a big wrench.
Wolf: *Comes round the bar and lifts Kitzie on top of it, then returns to the other side.* Oh, she's a Neko. Can I interest you in a Bloodwyne, little one?
Kitzie & Thorn: Blood...?
Lierlo: Don't corrupt the young and innocent. Offering a hard Demon drink to an eight year old... *Shakes his head.*
Wolf: She is a Demon. She'll want a Demon drink.
Tifanel: She's too young anyway.
Wolf: Oh well. *Gives her a cola.* Hey little one, I'm a Demon too: a Kyungurah. We're shape-shifters. *Transforms into a rubber duck.*
Thorn: Hmph. That's not so impressive. *Turns into Kuja, wearing a pink tutu, and then sings.* "I am the Fairy Princess, check out my little pink dress." *Changes back.*
*Everyone laughs.*
Kuja: Sleep with one eye open, Thorn.
Thorn: *Laughs.*
Wolf: Very nice, but you're not gonna put us Kyungurah out of a job so easily. *Returns to normal form.*
Kitzie: Quack! *Waddles like a duck.* Quack!
Kuja: Kitzie, I never knew you had such high aspirations. I remember when I was a young child, I always wanted to be a duck.
Thorn: Really?
Kuja: Yes, as much as I'd like to have that pink tutu of yours. Pfft!
Wolf: Kitzie, can I see your full-Demon form? I'll show you mine if I can see yours...
Tifanel: Maybe not.
Lierlo: I don't think that would be such a good idea.
Wolf: Why not?
Kuja: Well, Kitzie has a tendency to become... well... homicidal when she's full-Demon.
Thorn: And it's a long process changing her back.
Wolf: You're no fun.
Tifanel: How about this drinking contest?
Li: Oh yeah, I almost forgot.
Wolf: Right. Who's entering?
Li: I am.
Tifanel: Me.
Kuja: ...Me.
Kitzie: Me!
Lierlo: Oh no you're not.
Wolf: Thorn?
Thorn: Wouldn't be fair.
Wolf: Okay. *Takes three huge flagons and fills them to the top with a mystery drink.* This is Bloody Hell, the strongest drink known to human and Demon kind. Whoever is the last person remaining conscious wins.
Li: May the best Prince of Dalimoor win.
Tifanel: Yeah... hey!
Kuja: *Gulps.*
Li: Bottoms up.
*The three start drinking.*
Kitzie: Go! Go! Go!
*Kuja falls.*
Wolf: Hahah... he only took two mouthfuls.
*Li falls.*
Wolf: Humans...
Tifanel: *Finishes the whole thing.*
Wolf: Bloody hell... you drank it all!
Thorn: Nice one.
Tifanel: *Falls.*
Thorn: Or... not.
Wolf: Humans!
Thorn: Yeah, only the non-humans are left standing. I see your point.
Kitzie: *Licks some of the drink from Kuja's flagon.*
Lierlo: Kitzie, no!
Kitzie: *Coughs.* S-s-s-strong!
Thorn: *Drinks some.* Hmm... When you get over the mind-numbing strength of it, it has quite a nice taste.
Wolf: That's why I like it *Swigs some of Li's.* Oh, right. *Gets another bottle of something.* If I don't give 'em this they'll be out cold for days. *Pours some into each of their mouths.* This is Blumming Heck, it's a kind of post-Bloody Hell recovery drink. Well, actually… it's REALLY, REALLY strong coffee.
*The three all wake up.*
Kuja: Yeouch, I feel like a ton of bricks wrapped in steel bars has just fallen on my head followed by an elephant that has just swallowed a large boulder.
Thorn: So, not too bad then?
Kuja: Felt worse.
Li: Well, that's some strong drink.
Tifanel: Yup. And it looks like Kuja's donning the tights come this sow-in.
Kuja: What? That's not fair.
Li: You stopped first. You looose!
Kuja: *Grumbles.*
Li: Don't feel bad, Kuja. You'll make an excellent Princess. You are already so well versed in the ways of lookin' and dressing like a woman.
Kuja: That's it! I've had it with you and your stupid jokes. *He storms out.*
Thorn: Maybe... we did go a bit hard on him.
Lierlo: Even Kuja doesn't deserve all of that...
Tifanel: Meh, lil' asshole deserves every moment of it.
Thorn: Hmm... *Puts his drink down and goes after Kuja.*

*Kuja hasn't gone far. He's sat leaning against the wall of the pub, kicking empty cans against a skip.*
Thorn: Kuja.
Kuja: Come to mock me some more? Ooh, look at my girly figure! Ooh, isn't my make up so daringly feminine?
Thorn: Kuja, if I had to endure any of that, even for a moment, I'd not only have left the pub, I'd probably have gone crazy.
Kuja: Then you probably have a small idea of how I'm feeling right now.
Thorn: Yeah, I mean, you never really tell anyone how you're feeling.
Kuja: Why bother? No one cares about the 'little asshole.'
Thorn: I do.
Kuja: Why? After all I've said to you, done to you...
Thorn: I've done a lot of bad things to you too. But, out of everybody I know, you're the one I can relate to the most.
Kuja: *Folds arms.* We have nothing in common..
Thorn: Powerful Magick, past connections with the Devil, vanity… and we've both suffered unrequited love with Laurenza.
Kuja: Laurenza... *Kicks the wall.*
Thorn: See? Sometimes, I know a lot about how you feel.
Kuja: She makes me so mad... but I love her more than anything.
Thorn: She feels the same way.
Kuja: Then why won't she talk to me? Why has she put me in the doghouse? Why won't she accept my constant apologies?
Thorn: Maybe it's just… baby blues.
Kuja: I bloody well hope so.
Thorn: When she gets back, talk to her alone. Say you're sorry for everything you've said, and really mean it. Don't just say 'sorry'. Trust me, Laurenza does love you.
Kuja: *Nods.*
Thorn: I know we've not always been the best of buddies, Kuja, but you can trust me, you know?
Kuja: Uh huh. *Turns away from Thorn and covers his face.*
Thorn: What's wrong?
Kuja: Don't look at me, my mascara's running.
Thorn: Hey, don't cry! What's there to cry about?
Kuja: I feel like… *Starts to say something, but changes what he's saying mid-sentence.* I suppose I just can't bear the thought of losing her... I don't know what I'd do if she doesn't forgive me this time.
Thorn: If she doesn't, I'll talk to her. You mustn't think like this, Kuja.
Kuja: *Slumps against the wall, buries his face into his knees, and bursts into angry sobs.*
Thorn: *Walks up to him and gingerly puts his hand on his shoulder.*
Kuja: *Starts to reach towards Thorn's hand, but suddenly stops and jerks away from him.* L-leave me alone... I'll be all right. Go inside. Tell e-everyone Princess is bawling her eyes out.
Thorn: You know I wouldn't do that.
Kuja: You always have to play the nice guy. *Looks up at him and smiles.* It's so annoying.
Thorn: I've been feeling like this ever since Adrienne told me I was good deep down.
Kuja: She'd probably tell you your belly button fluff has the same value as gold nuggets if it got your trousers off. *Sighs.* I'm sorry... my mouth moves before I think... that's my problem.
Thorn: Nah, I don't care, you're probably right.
Kuja: Your belly button fluff is the same value as gold?
Thorn: No, you're right that she'd... she'd tell me that... just to… well, you know.
Kuja: *Looks into the pub.* I don't want to walk back with them... I don't think I could face them and their kindergarten comments right now.
Thorn: You wanna walk back with me? I was gonna go now, anyway.
Kuja: Yes. We'll leave the beer-swilling morons there.
Thorn: *Nods.*
Kuja: Oh, what about the little one? Should we really leave her in there with them?
Thorn: I think... she can take care of herself, and besides, they'll need at least two to remind them where the castle is.
Kuja: Let's go, then.

*Kuja and Thorn arrived back at the castle long before the drunken Li and Tifanel stumbled in, with a very grumpy Lierlo and Kitzie in tow.*
Kitzie: Finally... home. *Collapses onto a sofa.*
Lierlo: If I weren't dead, I probably would have died of frustration back there.
Thorn: What happened?
Lierlo: It's so hard trying to direct someone who's utterly drunk and not be able to touch them.
Thorn: Well, at least you all got back in one piece.
Tifanel: What did you call me?
Li: Are you starting? Don't give me that lip! Wanna take this outside?
Kuja: Li... That's a table lamp. I think it's high time the little boys went to bed, so they can wake up fully refreshed, rejuvenated, ready to deal with monstrosity of a hangover they'll have in the morning.
Thorn: *Laughs.*
Tifanel: What did you call me?
Kuja: *Steers the two of them in the direction of the stairs. They both collapse asleep on the first step.* Close enough.
*Thorn claps his hands and Tifanel and Li disappear into their beds, Tifanel in his own room and Li in his guest room.*
Kuja: I would have done that, but I'm mad at them right now. No Magick off me.
Thorn: *Slumps on a sofa.* Wonder when Adrienne and Laurenza are getting back?
Adrienne: Right now, Love Bunny.
*The three girls walk in, laden with bags.*
Thorn: Hey, darling.
Ana and Ady: *Singing* "Everybody's living in a material world, and we are material girls."
*Adrienne is wearing a blue coat with a fur collar and a matching hat. Ana is wearing a matching outfit. Laurenza is wearing a long black dress.*
Thorn: Wow, you all look... wow.
Kuja: I bet that's what you'll say when you get your credit card bills at the end of the month.
Adrienne: Oh, be quiet.
Laurenza: She's on first name terms with every shop assistant in every shop in the Universe...
Adrienne: It was incredible. I bought a whole new summer wardrobe.
Thorn: Do you really need all those clothes?
Ana: *Imitating Adrienne.* Oh, be quiet.
Thorn: Eh heh…
Laurenza: She bought the entire shop... *Takes a receipt out of one of the bags and holds it out.* Look at this.
Kuja: *Takes it, and whistles.* That's a lot of 0's. But I bet it's just lunch money to you, Adrienne.
Adrienne: *Takes the paper.* Oh, this? Actually it was. It's the restaurant bill. *In a singsong voice.* Prezzies! *Shakes some of the bags.* Kitzie, sugar, this is for you. *It's a scratching post.*
Kitzie: Wow! I love it! *Sits on it.* What is it?
Thorn: Best... just use it for whatever you want.
Kitzie: A seat!
Laurenza: That must be very uncomfortable...
Adrienne: Lierlo, honey. You know I would have got you something, but there seemed little point due to... you know.
Lierlo: That's fine.
Adrienne: But I did get some pretty flowers to put on your grave.
Lierlo: Oh... thank you.
Adrienne: Kuja. *Hands him a little box.*
Kuja: *Grimaces and then opens it.* Oh how thoughtful... *Through gritted teeth.* …A cosmetics set.
Laurenza: *Icily.* Maybe now you'll stop pinching mine...
Adrienne: *With the utmost naivety.* I'm glad you all like your presents. Where are Tiffy and Li? I want to give them theirs.
Kuja: They're asleep. I'd wait till the morning.
Adrienne: Thorn, this is for you, Choco Bear. *Hands him a little box.*
Thorn: You know, you really didn't have to... *Opens the box. It's a little silver chain, kind of like the one Lierlo gave Laurenza, engraved with 'Adrienne Luvs Thorn 4EVA.' *
Thorn: Oh, thank you. *Puts it on.* Hmm... I haven't got anything to give you...
Adrienne: Oh yes you have. *Pokes her tongue out a bit.*
Thorn: *Smiles.*
Adrienne: Right, all these bags need taking to my room... No problem. *Zaps them with a spell and they vanish.* Oh, I can't wait to try on all these new clothes! *Goes upstairs.*
Ana: When I grow up, I want to be just like her.
Laurenza: Spoiled rotten?
Ana: Yup. Can I have a credit card?
Laurenza: No.
Ana: Dad... can I have a credit card?
Kuja: Of course you can... when you're 18.