*Laurenza and Red stay decide to spend a few days in the pleasant town of Sol's Pass. Meanwhile, back at the castle, we join Tifanel and Chiara in the TV Chamber. Tifanel is in the middle of telling Chiara a long, rambling story. Chiara looks less than interested.*
Tifanel: …And we rolled the keg out from right under her nose. I'll tell ya, she wasn't happy when she noticed it was gone… Came out, screaming like a banshee, wavin' that rollin' pin hers like nobody's business!
Chiara: *Gives him a blank look.* Uhh... great.
Tifanel: Damn, this ain't the same anymore. You're no fun.
Chiara: *Indignantly.* HEY!
Tifanel: Nah, nah, that came out wrong! I didn't mean it like that! No offence, Chi, you're really nice and all, but I really need a guy to be friends with. A guy would've found that story hilarious, I'm sure.
Chiara: Ooh, I get it. I'm like your girlfriend, but you need a best friend too. Male bonding, and all that.
Tifanel: Yeah, like that... *Looks a little unsure of the 'male bonding' part, though.* I know Li was a jerk most of the time, but he was my best friend. Right now, a jerky best friend would be better than not havin' one at all.
Chiara: Well, there's plenty of guys around here. Any more guys and it'd be a real sausage fest! You could be best friends with one of them.
Tifanel: *Thinks of the other guys dubiously.* Uhh... I dunno...
Chiara: Come on, we'll play matchmaker and pair you up with the most suitable guy! *Grabs his hand and starts dragging him out of the room.*
Tifanel: *Sighs, allowing himself to be pulled along.* I want a friend, not a date!
Thorn: *Just so happens to be passing by when he comes across Chiara dragging Tifanel. He raises an eyebrow.* Do I want to ask?
Tifanel: It's all her idea...
Chiara: Hiya man, just the Thorn I wanted to see! ...Wait, that didn't come out quite right...
Thorn: You were looking for me?
Chiara: Yeah, I wanted to tell you about our plan. Tif wants a new best friend, you see, and it has to be a guy. I thought we could audition all the guys in the castle to see who would make the best best friend for him. *Pokes Thorn in the chest.* And you can be our first contender!
Thorn: Hmm... Maybe Tifanel should find his own best friend. I don't know, but I always thought it was kind of something you had to do on your own. But I'll help you out anyway.
Chiara: Thanks! So you two go and do something together that Tif likes, and I'll observe from a safe distance.
Tifanel: A 'safe' distance? We're not gonna like... blow up bombs or nothin'... I thought we could just have a couple of beers.
Thorn: Yeah... somehow I thought that's what you might want to do.
Chiara: You're both nice guys, I'm sure you'll get on fine. *Smiles.* Now, off with you. Let's get this started and I'll watch how well things go. *Starts shepherding them towards the kitchen.*
Tifanel: *To Thorn.* I find it easier to just do as she says...
Thorn: Sounds like the safest bet.

*They go into the kitchen and Tifanel fetches a large crate of beer. Chiara slips into the pantry and peers through a crack in the door at them. Thorn and Tifanel start steadily drinking their way through the crate, talking about rather mundane things. But as more beers are consumed, Tifanel becomes increasingly drunk and silly.*
Tifanel: Y'know what, Thornnnn? I'm thinkin' wigs.
Thorn: Wigs, eh?
Tifanel: Yeah, powdered wigs, like they used to wear on Earth back... back in the olden times. They're gonna come b-b-back into fashion, I tell ya.
Thorn: *Looks like he hopes they don't come back into fashion.* Oh, really?
Tifanel: I think you'd look good in one of them big, tall ones with the... plaity bits and the curls... *Hiccups loudly.* Yeah, just like that... a big old w-w-wig. Don't ya think?
Thorn: Well... personally, not really.
Tifanel: Are ya takin' the piss? I say wigs would look good on everyone. Maybe I should ram the message home into yourrrrr head! *Throws a punch at him.*
Thorn: *Ducks to the side to dodge Tifanel's punch.*
*Tifanel misses his mark, but the force of his punch sends him flying out of an open window behind Thorn, tumbling into the grounds. Chiara bursts from her hiding place in the pantry, looking worried.*
Chiara: Tif!
Thorn: *Looks surprised, as if he didn't really intend for Tifanel to fall out the window.* Tifanel...! *Leans out of the window to see if he's all right*
*Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be any serious damage on Tifanel, and since he had drunk so much, he probably didn't even feel it. He has been knocked unconscious, though.*
Chiara: *Stands next to Thorn.* Oh, poor Tif. If there wasn't a chance he's hurt himself, it'd be pretty hilarious. We'd better go and help him.
Thorn: Yeah, let's go.

*They head outside and go round the side of the castle, to where Tifanel is lying.*
Chiara: *Crouches next to him.* Thorn, I hope you're not mad at him for being so silly and violent. I mean, he did drink a lot... *Thinks for a moment.* Wait a minute, so did you. How come you're not sloshed too?
Thorn: That's just one of the perks of being a Dark Angel. *Smiles a little.* We aren't really affected by alcohol. But I bet poor Tifanel will be. Maybe we'd better get him some ice or some headache tablets.
Chiara: Yeah, and some coffee too. Can you use your manly strength to help me bring him inside?
Thorn: Sure. *Picks Tifanel up and brings him inside.*
Chiara: *Stands outside for a moment.* Wow, I guess super manly strength is also a perk of being a Dark Angel. Tif's one big guy and Thorn picked him up just like that! *Follows Thorn in.*

*Inside, Thorn and Chiara help Tifanel recover as best they can from all the alcohol he consumed. A little later, he is sipping coffee and holding an icepack on his head in an attempt to calm the raging headache he has, but he's looking significantly better.*
Tifanel: So, uh... did I do anything stupid when I was drunk?
Thorn: Well, you fell out of a window.
Tifanel: Damn, that was stupid of me. *Looks a bit embarrassed.* Thanks for helpin' me... but I guess gettin' drunk and doin' stupid stuff ain't fun unless the people you're with are gettin' drunk and doin' stupid stuff too. You've always been a great friend, Thorn, you know that, but as drinkin' buddies... *Shakes his head.*
Thorn: Heh, thanks, Tifanel. Well, I'm sure there's someone round here who will suit being your drinking buddy more than me.
Chiara: Yeah, me too. Just 'cos we struck out on this one, we shouldn't give up hope yet. Optimism!
Tifanel: *Holds his head.* Don't shout, Chi...
Chiara: Sorry! Okay, I was thinking we could try Lierlo and Apathy next. You'd get two friends for the price of one with them.
Thorn: And they're masters at sharing. That's always a plus.
Chiara: That's right, so you'd only have to get one birthday present between them.
Tifanel: I guess so. I don't reckon I could drink another drop of beer today, so let's try somethin' else with 'em.
Chiara: No problem. Come with us, Thorn, you can help me judge.
Thorn: Sure, I'll help.
Chiara: Excellent. Now, where are those twins?
*They head off to find Lierlo and Apathy.*

*They encounter the twins in their room. Tifanel decides to have a sword-fighting session with them, as he has had with Lierlo in the past, so they all go to the Training Hall. Chiara and Thorn wait outside the door, peeking in.*
Tifanel: *Draws his katana.* Two against one, huh? This time, Lierlo, ya might actually be a challenge for once.
Lierlo: *Takes out his rapier.* I'm doing this as a favour to you, Tifanel.
Apathy: *Draws his own identical blade.* So we could do without the insults.
Chiara: *Looks warily at their weapons, then turns to Thorn.* Ooh... maybe we should've given them rubber swords or something. I hope no one gets hurt.
Thorn: I'm sure Tifanel knows what he's doing. Besides, have a little faith in him. There's two of them, but Tifanel's a good swordsman. He'll be okay. Anyway, he fell out of a window and survived...
Chiara: I'm not worried about Tif! Lierlo and Apathy will get slaughtered!
Thorn: *Looks like it hadn't crossed his mind that Chiara wasn't worried about Tifanel.* ...Ah.
Tifanel: *Stands a few paces back from the other two.* Okay, I'm gonna set one rule, and that's 'no Magick.'
Lierlo: I was afraid you might say that...
Apathy: *Smirks.* That's fine by us, as long as you agree to our condition: no Focused Will.
Tifanel: Damn...
Apathy: It's only fair. But if you're such a good swordsman, you won't need your Magick substitute, now will you?
Tifanel: Yeah, fine. I'll beat ya both with my bare hands. *Looks at his blade.* Well, ya know what I mean...
Chiara: Hey Thorn, shall we make bets?
Thorn: *Thinks about this.* Well, considering its Tifanel against Lierlo and Apathy, is that fair? I don't want to lose.
Chiara: It wasn't about who'll win or lose, Thorn, 'cos we both know Tif will win. I wanted to bet how long it will take the other two to lose.
Thorn: I hope he remembers he doesn't need to actually do any damage.
Chiara: *Looks a bit touchy about this for some reason.* Of course he remembers! Tif doesn't hurt people for the sake of it!
Thorn: I'm sorry.
Chiara: It's okay. *Turns back to the door.* Oh cool, they've already started.
*Chiara is right. Tifanel, Lierlo and Apathy have begun their fight. Even against two of them, Tifanel clearly has the upper hand. Lierlo tries to strike him from the front, as Apathy attacks from the rear, but Tifanel is fast enough to parry Lierlo's blow, sweep round and block Apathy as well. Lierlo and Apathy then come towards each side of Tifanel, and in a move that echoes Thorn, Tifanel steps back, making them crash into each other. Tifanel then continues to run circles round the two of them for several minutes, until he knocks both their swords out of their hands. He pins them down, and appears to be just about to declare victory, when Smiley slithers up his arm from under Lierlo's robes.*
Tifanel: Eeee...
Chiara: What's wrong with Tif? He should finish them!
*Tifanel has frozen up, his eyes fixed in a terrified gaze on Smiley. Lierlo and Apathy use this chance to roll out from under Tifanel's hold, retrieve their swords and pin him down in a similar fashion.*
Lierlo: I think this match goes to us.
Apathy: I agree.
Tifanel: That's not fair...!
Apathy: *Sweetly.* You didn't say anything in the rules about not using Cywyrms.
Chiara: Oh yeah, of course... Tif's scared of snakes.
Thorn: *Nods.* Good job we didn't bet on Tifanel winning, eh?
Chiara: Heh heh, yeah...
*Smiley returns to Lierlo and Tifanel stands up again.*
Tifanel: Heh... sorry guys, but I don't think we could be very close friends 'cos of Smiley. I couldn't deal with him slitherin' all over me like that...
Lierlo: That's okay, Tifanel, we understand. I don't think Apathy and I could have sword fights like that with you very often anyway. Good luck with your search for a best friend.
Tifanel: Thanks guys. *Leaves the hall and joins Thorn and Chiara.*
Chiara: Poor Tif! They cheated. *Looks sulky.*
Thorn: Not really. Smiley was kinda... just doing what Cywyrms do.
Chiara: Aw, bad luck again. *Smoothes Tifanel's hair that got messed up during the fight.* Hmm, what about Lahrne?
Thorn: Well, he definitely won't be your drinking buddy...
Tifanel: Yeah, Thorn's right. I'll probably need someone closer to my own age.
Chiara: Oh, you and your beer. How about you make friends with Lahrne now, and in a couple of years, he can come drinking with you?
Tifanel: Chi...
Thorn: *Looks like he doesn't want to get involved in their tiff.*
Chiara: You never know. Lahrne might be your soul mate. Don't be shy, now. *Runs off towards the stairs.*
Tifanel: Y'know Thorn, the kisses and touching privileges are great, but if I knew havin' a girlfriend would be this much trouble, I would've stayed single...
Chiara: *From the stairs.* I HEARD THAT!
Thorn: Relationships always have ups and downs. It's just how it goes, Tifanel. *Puts a hand on Tifanel's shoulder in a friendly way.*
Tifanel: Heh heh... yeah.
*They go after Chiara.*

*Lahrne is in his room, playing with toy cars and dinosaurs. He's making appropriate noises for each toy.*
Lahrne: *Drives a Mini into a Brachiosaurus.* Neeeeow! Boom! Rarrrgh!
Chiara: Hi Lahrne.
Lahrne: Hey Chi. Ooh, Tif and dad are here too. Did you all come to play?
Thorn: Hi son. Tifanel was looking for someone to be his best friend and we wondered if you would fit the part. I'm sure Tifanel would love to play cars and dinosaurs with you. *He looks like he wonders how they go together, but doesn't question it.*
Lahrne: Cool! *Stands up and hands Tifanel a bunch of toys, before sitting down again.*
Tifanel: *Looks a bit awkward and sits with Lahrne.*
Chiara: Let's leave them to it, Thorn. *Steps out the room, but spies in through a crack in the door.*
Thorn: *Goes with Chiara and peers in with her.*
Tifanel: So, uh... how do we play this thing?
Lahrne: Right now, the people from car city are attacking dinosaur city.
Tifanel: Okay... why are they doin' that?
Lahrne: 'Cos the King of Dinosaur City stole the Magick Wheel from the King of Car City. If they don't get it back quickly, none of the car's wheels will work.
Chiara: Aww, Lahrne's so cute.
Thorn: Sure is an unusual idea for a game. Kinda sounds like something we'd get involved in during an average day.
Chiara: *Laughs.* Yeah, it's crazy enough.
Tifanel: *Seems to actually be getting into the game.* No way, Car King. You're not gettin' that wheel! *Makes his dinosaur stomp around.* Raaargh!
Lahrne: *Giggles.* Vrooom! Here I come! *Makes his car skid around.*
Thorn: Sounds like Tifanel's actually kinda enjoying this.
Chiara: Yeah, he's just a big kid at heart, isn't he?
Lahrne: I'm coming to get you with my special CAR POWERS! *Jumps on Tifanel.*
Tifanel: Oof! *Is bowled right over.*
Thorn: *Mostly to himself.* Don't kill him, Lahrne...
Chiara: Poor Tif, he's having a rough day. *Grins some.*
Lahrne: *Beats him lightly.* Boom! Boom! Boom! *Spots something.* Hey, what's this? *Fishes a rolled up magazine from Tifanel's inner jacket pocket.*
Tifanel: *Gasps.* No, Lahrne! Don't look at that...!
Thorn: *Through the door.* Lahrne, listen to Tifanel, okay?
Chiara: *Looks a bit annoyed, as if she has an idea what sort of magazine it is.* All right, I'm breaking this up right now! *Charges in through the door.* Tif!
Tifanel: Chiara! *Grabs the magazine and tries to hide it behind his back.*
Chiara: I know what it is, so there's no use in hiding it!
Lahrne: What is it? What is it?
Thorn: It's something you can have a look at when you're older.
Lahrne: Aww...
Chiara: It's also something someone who has a girlfriend shouldn't want to look at all! *Fumes.*
Tifanel: *Looks incredibly uneasy and slips the magazine into his back pocket.* Yeah, so I really think I should try for someone my own age... *Runs out the room before Chiara can hurt him in any way.*
Thorn: Chiara, Tifanel probably had that left over in his pocket from before he got with you.
Chiara: Yeah, okay. *Looks pacified and ruffles Lahrne's hair.* You played a good game, kid.
Thorn: Sure did. Very interesting. *Smiles.*
Lahrne: I play the best car-and-dino games ever.
Chiara: Heheh, yeah. Thorn, we'd better get after Tif. I hope I didn't scare him too much...
Thorn: Don't worry, he'll be okay.
Lahrne: Come and play with me later, dad.
Thorn: Sure.

*They leave Lahrne and find Tifanel trying to look inconspicuous in his room.*
Chiara: Tif...?
Tifanel: Come to tell me off?
Chiara: No, I'm not mad. *Smiles a little.* You're a man after all. *Sticks her tongue out.*
Thorn: It's true.
Tifanel: Heh, okay... Movin' on, I guess...
Chiara: *Sighs a little.* It's not going so well, is it, Thorn?
Thorn: No, not really. Apart from the girls, the only other contenders left now are Kuja and Rin.
Chiara: Let's try with Kuja, shall we?
Tifanel: Kuja? *Grimaces.* Oh great...
Thorn: What's wrong with Kuja?
Tifanel: Well... *Looks like he doesn't want to offend Thorn.*
Chiara: Um... maybe, Tif, you should find a common ground, or broadening your interests. You could try doing something the other person likes.
Thorn: Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's see... Kuja likes tea, obviously, and books. And me, but let's not get into that.
Tifanel: I dunno...
Chiara: Let's just go and talk to him. Maybe you'll find something you both like.
Tifanel: ...Yeah, fine.

*They go to Kuja's room and find him there, reading a book, as he does.*
Kuja: *Looks up at them.* What do you want?
Thorn: Hi Kuja. We were wondering if you could help us. See, we're trying to find Tifanel a new best friend…
Kuja: Not a chance... It won't work between us, sorry.
Thorn: You're not even willing to try?
Kuja: No way. I hate Tifanel.
Tifanel: ... *Tries hard not to yell at him.* Let's just give this a chance... Surely we've got something in common. Go on, try me.
Kuja: So... read any good books lately?
Tifanel: Uh, no...
Kuja: How unsurprising.
Tifanel: ... *Glares at him.*
Thorn: Kuja... can't you even try? Just a little? For me?
Kuja: Oh, you're so evil. You have to use those Magick words... I suppose I can lower myself to your level for a while, Tifanel.
Tifanel: *Bites back a retort.* So hey... you like The Destiny, right? We could go soup it up.
Kuja: ...I don't like the sound of that...
Thorn: Don't worry, Kuja. I'm sure The Destiny will be fine.
Chiara: Yeah, Tifanel is great with his tools!
Kuja: Fine, let's get this over with.

*They go downstairs and out to The Destiny. Tifanel and Kuja head out the gangplank, and Thorn and Chiara wait outside and look in.*
Chiara: Thorn, I hope those two get on okay.
Thorn: Me too. I would hate for them to have a huge argument.
*Inside The Destiny, Kuja is sat in the captain's chair, watching Tifanel scrabble under the dashboard.*
Kuja: If you could just tighten connection #23-B...
Tifanel: #23-B, huh? *Fiddles under there with a screwdriver.*
The Destiny: THAT TICKLES. *Squirts Tifanel with some sticky, foul-smelling liquid.*
Tifanel: Ugh...!
Chiara: Ew, that looks gross!
Thorn: Are you okay, Tifanel?
Kuja: It was his own fault, the dolt. That's connection #23-B.2! Only an idiot could get them mixed up.
Tifanel: *Leaps up suddenly in anger, bashing his head on the underside of the dashboard.* Argh! *Rubs his head.* Well, why don't you get your ass under here and do it yourself, if ya think I'm too stupid to get it right?!
Kuja: Hah, I'm not getting oil on my clothes. I'm not worried about you dirtying your cheap rags, though.
Thorn: *Shakes his head.* Kuja…
Tifanel: *Shakes his head.* Nah, that's it. I'm outta here! *Starts to descend the gangplank.*
Chiara: *Grabs Tifanel.* Wait! Why not try something Kuja likes, like we said?
Tifanel: ...Like what?
Chiara: Reading? *Grins nervously.*
Thorn: Yeah. *Grins too.*
Tifanel: Whatever. I'll go and clean up. *Leaves The Destiny.*
Kuja: I'm going to expect a lot of... rewards... for this, Thorn.
Thorn: Yeah, sure.
*They go inside again.*

*After cleaning up, Tifanel headed into Kuja's room. Thorn and Chiara took their usual spot outside the door, spying in. Tifanel and Kuja are reading their own copies of the same book.*
Tifanel: Aw man, have ya got to the part where the guy says to--
Kuja: *Holds up a hand.* Ah-ah-ah, no talking.
Tifanel: But I thought we were supposed to like... enjoy readin' these together… We won't become better friends sittin' here in silence.
Kuja: *Smiles a little.* That suits me fine. I'll enjoy this time more if I don't have to listen to your voice.
Thorn: *Shakes his head.* Oh dear. Maybe this was a bad idea.
Chiara: Kuja's just really horrible. *Looks across at Thorn.* Uh, I mean really horrible in a good way!
Thorn: Well, he is to Tifanel, at least.
Tifanel: *Comes storming out of Kuja's room, looking annoyed. He slams the door.* This sucks. I don't reckon I like anyone here enough to be best friends with 'em. Ah, don't take that as offence or nothin', Thorn.
Thorn: I wasn't going to.
*At that moment, Rin approaches them, holding a beer in one hand and his cane in the other.*
Rin: Good day to you, friends. Oh Tifanel, can I have a look at this? It appears quite interesting. *Takes the magazine from Tifanel's back pocket and walks off, reading it.*
Chiara: He took your porno mag, Tif...
Tifanel: *Grins nervously.* Yeah, but 'cos of the weird way Rin talks, he'd probably call it a 'gentlemans' pleasure periodical' or somethin'.
Thorn: And he'd probably say he only reads it for the articles, too.
Chiara: *Finds what they said too funny to be mad at Tifanel (or Rin for that matter) about the magazine. She laughs.* Yeah, that's true. But hey, Tif, maybe daddy would make a good friend for you. I mean, you both like beer and… naughty mags.
Tifanel: It's worth a shot, I guess. I'm running out of guys here!
Thorn: He's about your last hope, Tif.

*A little later, we join Tifanel and Rin together in Tifanel's room. Many empty bottles of beer are discarded on the floor around them. The two of them are drinking and generally being merry. Tifanel is telling Rin the same story he tried to amuse Chiara with earlier.*
Tifanel: …And we rolled the keg out from right under her nose. I'll tell ya, she wasn't happy when she noticed it was gone… Came out, screaming like a banshee, wavin' that rollin' pin hers like nobody's business!
Rin: *Laughs heartily.* What a humorous tale, I can just see that happening. The lady of your story does rather remind me of someone I used to know. Let me recount to you my own tale...